


honey i am not some broken thing

by BugontheRug



Series: some say love is a burning thing [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-08-03 07:38:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16321970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BugontheRug/pseuds/BugontheRug
Summary: Follows Buck and Eddie's relationship through the show with inner dialogue and added scenes.As Eddie and Buck grow closer, Eddie supports Buck though his situation with Abby and Buck supports Eddie as he figures out how to be a single father.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title of Series and Works come from Song for Zula. I'm super excited about this pairing and have so many feels I had to write something! Enjoy :)

“You know? I like that you're both going up for it.” Buck said. He was enjoying this banter with his family. They might have been just co-workers a year ago, but a lot had happened since then and they’ve grown close. Buck was about to slip down the slope into thinking of his _real_ family when Cap brought him back to the moment.

“Oh, because you don't think that we have a chance.” Cap’s voice teased. It was nice having Cap happy and almost carefree. Buck had been trying to determine what had changed the last couple months but had yet to figure it out.

"Whoa, did I say that?” He held his hands up placatingly, before giving a small, smug shrug. “I mean, sure, let's be real. They are only picking one candidate from each station.” Buck was so wrapped up in his sass that he didn’t notice Chimney’s attention diverting from him until he said, “Okay, _that_ is a beautiful man.” pointing at someone behind him.

When Hen chimed in, “Where's the lie? And I like girls.” Buck had to see who was causing the fuss. Turning around he saw a man, okay a fairly attractive man, okay alright a very attractive man, pulling an LAFD black tee over his well-toned torso. Buck was worried someone gave him a size smaller on purpose just to see his arms bulging through the sleeves. Hey, it’s happened to him before.

“Who the hell is that?” Buck wasn’t sure what this feeling in his chest was. It felt tight and unpleasant and he knew it had something to do with this new guy. 

“It's Eddie Diaz. New recruit.” Cap put his hands in his pockets, puffing his chest out in pride. “Graduated top of his class just this week. Guys over at Station Six were dying to have him, but I convinced him to join us.”

The tight feeling in his chest grew tighter like someone was squeezing his heart between their hands. “What do we need him for?” As his co-workers chuckled, he swore he was having some kind of attack. Chest pain, sweaty palms, the shakes. Cap just looked at him with disbelief. 

“He served multiple tours in Afghanistan as an Army medic. Guy's got a Silver Star. It's not like he's wet behind the ears. Come on, I'll introduce you to him. He likes to be called Eight Pack.” Cap tapped his abs with a smile and led Hen towards the new guy.

“Better drop some more body fat there, butch.” Chimney slapped Buck’s stomach before following them. Buck was frozen there, watching as everyone introduced themselves to the new guy. Watched as he gave them this kilowatt smile of perfect teeth. Buck hated this guy. They didn’t need anyone new joining them. They had a perfect dynamic already. No reason to mess that up. 

If Buck was being completely honest with himself right now, he’d admit that he was jealous and perhaps a bit insecure. He was the new recruit, the hot young firefighter who needed a little guidance. But if this guy is here, what does that make Buck?

***

They were on their way to help someone at a Rim and Tire Shop, horns blaring, and Buck was on his phone trying to inconspicuously look up what a silver star was. Google helpfully told him it was the third-highest personal decoration for valor in combat; awarded primarily to members of the United States Armed Forces for gallantry in action against an enemy of the United States. He blacked the screen before slipping it back into his pocket, but not before Chimney saw what he was looking at. 

With a small grin that spelled trouble, Chimney leaned over to the new guy and said, “So, Silver Star, huh?” Buck was going to kill him, but maybe not since Buck was curious to know about this as well.

“Yeah.” The new guy said before looking down and rubbing his hands on his pants. If Buck didn’t know better, he’d say this guy looked uncomfortable. Undeterred by the brush off, Chimney continued giving Buck a side eye.

“You save a platoon or something?”

The new guy looked up and gave a small, almost shy smile. “No, no, nothing like that,” he said, “Uh, just a convoy.” He turned back to the window. Buck mentally scoffed, face twisting into annoyance as this guy acts like it’s nothing. Probably playing at humble to look good. 

A small, itty, bitty part of Buck is impressed though. Wants to ask more. What did this guy do? Chimney was smirking like the cat got the canary, and Hen jumped in asking if the new guy heard about the calendar. Buck could only look at her in disbelief.

She knew how serious he was about the calendar. Okay, scratch that. He didn’t really care about the calendar. It only meant so much to him because he needed something to distract him from Abby’s absence in the evenings and working out towards a goal felt more productive than using it as an excuse to not sleep. But still, he felt betrayed. He gets it. They want to tease him, but it was starting to edge the line.

Feeling petty and hurt, Buck opened his damn mouth. “So is your full name ‘Eduardo’?” 

“No.”

“People ever call you ‘Diaz’?”

“Not if they want me to respond.”

“Something's got to give. We got...we got Cap, Hen, Chimney, Buck. We can't just call you ‘Eddie.’” The new guy’s name felt weird on his tongue, like his avoidance of acknowledging it made it grow old and moldy from disuse. 

Eddie turned from him, talking to Chimney and Hen like he wasn’t right there with them. “Can't tell if he's being serious or not.” 

“I like to always operate under the assumption that nothing he says is serious,” Chimney responded.

Buck couldn’t believe what was happening. Did he fall down a rabbit hole this morning? He’d like to believe that he’s matured this past year. Yeah, he still fools around because what is life without a bit of fun. And he doesn’t usually mind being the butt of a joke if it means making the people he cares about laugh. But he didn’t think his family still saw him as the immature kid he once was and it hurt to hear them say as much. He turned from them and stared out the window for the rest of the ride.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will I ever make it through episode one? Who knows. Anyway, here's the next little bit. If you see any glaring errors let me know. Enjoy :)

“The air pressure is collapsing his organs. We need to get in there and drain the fluid. Buck, I need you to get a 14-gauge angiocath. We need to start decompressing the pleural cavity.” Cap directed from his kneeling position next to Hector.

“All right, all right,” he whispered under his breath as he got the needle out.

“Want me to help?” Eddie asked reaching for Hector’s shirt.

“I got it.” Buck opened the man’s shirt and began lining up the needle.

”I'd go lower.” Eddie interrupted before he finished.

”What?” Buck looked up at him in disbelief. “Um, no. Second intercostal space. Midclavicular line.” He shouldn’t have to explain something like this to the new guy. He should've had the same training. God, what kind of amateur did they hire?

“The chest wall is thinner at the fifth intercostal at the anterior axillary line. There's a decreased chance of injuring any vital organs.” Buck was kind of in awe of this guy’s passion and surety. Eddie turned to Cap, saying, “I've-I've treated guys with collapsed lungs in combat.”

“Do it.” Cap said with no hesitation.

“Please.” Eddie held his hands out to Buck for the needle. “Thank you. Can you help me out with the shirt?”

Buck couldn’t help but roll his eyes at this whole thing. The new guy was showing him up!

He watched as Eddie deftly cut the man’s shirt, injecting the needle and released the pressure from Hector. 

Buck looked between Eddie and Cap, who was giving him a smug, pride-filled smile. Buck felt his heart sinking. He was good at his job. He worked hard to learn everything he could to be a good paramedic and firefighter. Is he though? Could he have caused more damage if Eddie wasn’t there to stop him?

He got up and walked outside, needing some air. He thought about his tremulous relationship with Cap and how he worked so hard to make him proud, something he could never do for his own father. God, he knew he had issues and that they played a part in each of his relationships, and watching Cap brag about Eddie earlier and now giving him proud looks set something off in him. 

Listening as Cap and Chim praised the new guy made the sick, twisting feeling in his gut grow. What do they need him for if they have boy wonder now? “Yeah, good call.” He said before getting in the engine, hoping the rest of the shift goes by quickly for the first time in a long while.

***

He entered Abby’s apartment with a sigh. Finally, he was home. He noticed a suitcase and an opened bottle of wine on the kitchen table. He smiled. Finally! Abby was home! And she surprised him by not mentioning this in their last call. He was sure she said she was going to extend her trip after Italy.

He heard the sound of the shower and smirked. He might as well surprise her too. He made his way to the bathroom, disrobing as he went. He pulled back the shower curtain and found his sister instead!

He left and followed his trail of clothes back to the kitchen, putting them on as he went, and started prepping something for Maddie to eat. Maddie! He hadn’t seen or talked to her in years! They used to be inseparable; always talking on the phone when she was at school, or when he was at school and then dropped out. That caused a lot of fights, but they still talked, up until three years ago. He had more memories of her growing up than either of their parents.

He remembered asking her once if she ever resented him for having to take care of him, for basically raising him. She said no and that was that. There were some dark times in those three years before he went for paramedic training and joined the LAFD and found a family, where he thought she was finally done with him. There was no warning. One day she stopped answering his calls or texts and eventually, he stopped trying.

“Oh shit!” He quickly brought his attention back to the eggs he was working on before they burned.

Soon Maddie came out and sat at the bar watching as he plated the eggs.

“You think there is any way we can unsee that?” he asked her.

“Oh, come on. I used to give you baths.”

”Yeah, when I was two.” He brought the eggs over and placed them in front of her. “Hey, how did you even get in here?”

“I told the building manager I was your sister.”

“And he just believed you.” Maybe he should talk to management about proper safety and confidentiality. Maybe Athena could talk to him.

“Well, having boobs doesn't hurt.” Yeah, Athena should definitely talk to him.

“How'd you know where I live?” He asked, pouring them both a glass of wine.

“Well, first, I went to the address the Christmas cards keep coming from, and the guy said you were here.” Buck nodded, a mix of feelings swelling in his chest.

“Wait. So you did get those Christmas cards?” He knew he came across as snarky and harsh, but the years-old betrayal was rushing to the top of the emotion soup inside him.

“I'm sorry I haven't been in touch much lately.”

“Three years, Maddie. I haven't heard from you in three years.” Yup, there’s the anger.

“Yeah, I know. And it's not what I wanted.” He saw in her face and fallen shoulders that she was telling the truth.

“And where is Doug?” Doug, the asshole boyfriend that Maddie came home from college with. He didn’t like how fake he was, how he tried charming him and his parents, the small almost innocent comments to Maddie that made her smile falter. Yea, he didn’t like Doug.

“Don't know, don't care.” She said it quickly with finality, slapping her hands on the counter and stood up. But he couldn’t just let it go.

“You left him?”

“Finally.” Relief flooded through him. Thank god that prick was out of her life.

“Geez, Madds. Come on, what took you so long?”

“What can I say? Mom was right.”

“Do they know?”

“No one knows. And please don't tell them if they call. I don't want anyone to know that I'm here.”

“Kind of sounds like you're hiding out.” Concern replaced all the other emotions. Was his big sis in trouble?

“No. More like laying low.” She gave him a confident smirk and changed the subject. This was definitely something he was going to bring up again later. “So what happened to you? Because this place is nice, and clean, and you just cooked me food, actual food. Is there a shallot in here?” She walked her plate and wine into the living room to sit on the couch. He followed with his own glass.

“Yeah, my, uh my boss at work is like Guy Fieri. He's been teaching me.” Was he still going to teach him, or would Eddie be his new pupil? God, he felt like a child fighting over a toy, but he couldn’t help these thoughts that ran through his head. “Uh, we have not made it past breakfast, though. And this is, uh let me show you. This is my girlfriend's place.” His chest panged thinking of Abby. The disappointment of it being his sister and not her was still sitting heavy in his stomach. “I'm, uh I'm looking after it while she's out of town for a couple months, but, uh, she-she should be back soon.” He flicked through his photos and held up his phone for Maddie to see. “This is her.”

“Aw. How soon?”

“Uh, I'm not really sure. Um, she was in Ireland, and now she's in Italy. Said she's looking to have an Eat, Pray, Love experience. Uh, to be honest, I don't really know what that means.”

“But you're still together?” Maddie asked voice tinged with disbelief.

“Yeah. I mean, I mean, she said I should, you know, do whatever I wanted while she was away, but what I want is for her to come back. I like the me that I am with her.” And he did like the person he was with her, even the person he is while she’s on another continent. He worries though about what would happen if they weren’t together anymore. Who would he be then? His sister watched him with a proud smile on her face, warming his chest.

“She's banging other guys.” Okay, well it was a nice feeling while it lasted. “I mean, that's the "love" part of her trip.”

“Whoa! Come on.” He said, looking at the ceiling to pull himself together before looking back at her. “So you did come all the way from Pennsylvania to just crap on my life? That's a thing?” The laughter coming out of both of them was nice. He missed her teasing, even if her joke fell too close to home.

“No, I'm sorry. I'm just being protective.”

“Okay.” He could understand that. He would probably have said the same if she had a boyfriend traveling across Europe without her. “Anyway, uh, this is your first time here in L.A. Gonna see the sights, hang around for a little bit?” 

“I'm just passing through.” His heart squeezed. He was hoping she’d stick around longer. It was nice to have family back, especially with how his day went.

“Listen, even if you are just here for a few days, uh, welcome to L.A. It was getting pretty lonely around here.”

They clinked their wine glasses and had a few moments of sullen silence before Maddie spoke.

“So, tell me about this job of yours. You have a boss that you like and can cook. What else?”

Buck sighed. “Well, the rest of the gang I hang out with are normally pretty cool, but not so much today.”

“What happened today?”

Buck hesitated, taking another sip of wine before setting it on the coffee table. “There’s this new guy. He’s ex-army and apparently, all the stations wanted a piece of him and he ended up with us.”

“Bitter much?” she teased.

“It’s not that, it’s...it’s like he came in like he owned the place and he makes me feel...nevermind. It’s stupid.” He picked his glass back up and took something larger than a sip and almost regretted it. Wine is not for chugging.

Maddie’s hand came to his elbow, guiding the glass down. “Your feelings aren’t stupid Buck. Come on, it’s me. You used to tell me everything.”

Buck shifted a bit on the couch before settling back into place. “It’s just...he makes me feel like I’m not good enough. That he’s what I should be to do this job and I’m not. I’m not some decorated war vet who’s done field medicine and saved dozens of lives.”

She clasped his hand, bring his attention to her. “I know this is hard. But remember when Tom Delaney made you feel like you shouldn’t be on the varsity baseball team?”

“Yeah, the freshman who almost beat me out in tryouts. What about him?”

“You didn’t let that stop you from being the best baseball player you could be. You trained hard, you stayed focused, and you even got a baseball scholarship. This is just another Tom Delaney. Don’t let him stop you from being a great fireman.”

Maddie was looking at him with such passionate pride, hands practically breaking his like she was trying to force her belief in him through it. Buck’s eyes burned a bit at her words, voice cracking as he said, “God, it’s good to have you back Madds.”


	3. Chapter 3

Buck was breathing through his reps in the gym, feeling the burn in his biceps and shoulders, when he heard steps and turned his head for a quick peek. It was the new guy, Eddie, dressed in all black with a tank that showed off his arms and was low enough to show some chest hair and the top of his pecs. He had gloves in his hands and was walking toward the punching bag. 

Buck returned his gaze to complete his reps listening to the thwack of punches. He finished and put his bar down in time to see the end of Eddie’s kick. God this guy was a show-off. Buck rolled his eyes and started walking past Eddie to grab more weights and pretended he wasn’t watching as the man continued to assault the bag.

Chim came into the gym then, looking between him and Eddie with a smirk on his face that Buck ignored. If this guy was going to show off, then so will he. After putting on the weights, he grabbed his selfie stick. What? He wanted to show this guy that he wasn’t the only one with awesome muscles. His smile was fake. He wasn’t into it this time. Usually, he took pics when he was feeling good. And he admits he seeks validation from the likes and comments that remind him that he’s still got it.

“You're in the wrong light, man.” He heard Eddie comment off to the side.

He refused to look at the other man and instead played with some of the filters. Sepia like an old western. Not like he was really going to post this. “Some of us don't need lighting to look good.” 

Buck continued to fool around, not quite sure what he was doing. God, this guy turned him into a fool. He listened in to the conversation between Chim and Eddie. “Hey, Eddie, what'd you mean by ‘the wrong light’?”

“The light in this room is flat and blue. Makes you look soft.” Buck put down his selfie stick, curious about what Eddie was saying. He’s never thought about lighting much beyond if he looked good or not in the picture. “If you want to look lean and muscles to pop, you need warm side light. I'll show you. These are the ones I sent in for the calendar.” Buck meandered over, curious to see this guys submission but not wanting to seem too interested.

“Whoa.” Whoa was right. Eddie looked great in each of the shots and seeing the one of him shirtless with an ax over his shoulders made Buck’s mouth dry and his stomach twist. He couldn’t compete with that. He walked away, not wanting to see the rest.

“It's, uh, kind of cheating submitting pictures by a professional photographer,” Buck said, heading back to his weights.

Eddie’s chuckle behind him made him feel small and mocked. “The photographer's 12. She's my niece. She's a master at the iPhone filters.”

“Your niece did this?” Chimney said in disbelief.

“Yeah.”

“You think she'd be willing to take my submission pics for me? I'm told I photograph like an Asian Fabio.” Chim was starting to sound excited and Eddie encouraging “Sure she would, yeah. Yeah.” was beginning to irk him. Buck didn’t like that Eddie and Chim were getting along. If he really looked at it closely, Buck would say it was because of fear. Fear that once Eddie wormed his way into everyone’s lives that they wouldn’t need Buck, that Eddie would be the better Buck that everyone wanted. Eddie was smart, and brave, and strong, and what was Buck? Immature, a screw-up, a joke. 

But Buck didn’t look closely. Instead, he stuck with irritation, a little bit of anger. And that’s why such a dickish thing came out of his mouth. “Ah, you know, you really shouldn't get his hopes up like that. No offense, Chim.”

“No offense taken, Evan.” It was the Evan that made him look up and watched as Chim walked away. It was the Evan that made him realize what came out of his mouth. It was the Evan that told him he screwed up again.

He went back to his reps wanting to feel his muscles burn. Burn out his stupidity, burn out his uselessness, burn out this sick feeling in his gut that he was driving everyone away.

“What's your problem, man?” Eddie’s voice grated his already fraying nerves. He looked around, gathering his thoughts and stood up.

“Okay. You. You're my problem. Your comfort level. You're-you're not supposed to just walk in here like you've been here for years.” He could hear his voice shaking as he tried to hold back the dam that wanted to scream ‘You make me uncomfortable, you make me feel like I’m the one who doesn’t belong’. He watched Eddie’s face twist, jaw clenching, mouth moving to bite back his retorts, but lets Buck continue. Eddie’s eyes were screaming that he thought Buck was ridiculous. It made him press on defiantly, “It's meant-meant to be a getting-to-know-you period. You're meant to respect your elders.”

“You're not his elder, Buck,” Chim commented from the side. He and Eddie both turned to look at him before returning to their conversation.

Eddie raised his hands placatingly as he began. “Look, I in no way meant to, uh, be too familiar or step on anybody's toes. I know you're going through some personal stuff right now.”

“What personal stuff?” What was this guy talking about? Everything was going great in his personal life, even if Abby hasn’t called him in a few days. But it’s fine. She’s probably somewhere where phone service isn’t reliable. She’ll call him when she can.

“I know your girlfriend recently broke up with you and you're coming to terms with that.” Eddie was so sincere. He wasn’t being malicious and really seemed to believe the words coming out of his mouth.

“No, I'm not. And she didn't break up with me. Who told you that?” He turned to look at Chim, who suspiciously looked away and pretended he wasn’t listening. Buck couldn’t believe his coworkers were talking to him behind his back, with the new guy no less! And telling him lies.

“I'm just saying I hear you're a good guy, and I'm sorry you're going through pain, but you don't need to take it out on me or-or be threatened by me. We're on the same team.” Buck felt like he was being talked down like he was a crazy person waving a knife around and Eddie was the calm hero had come to stop him. His skin itched, vibrating with irritation and helplessness. What has this guy done to him?

“Why would I be threatened by you?” His voice came out more solid than he expected with how he was feeling right now.

“Exactly.” Eddie’s smile made Buck want to run, to find a place where everything made sense again. “There's no need to be. We do the same thing. I've just done it while people are shooting at me is all.” There was the clenching again in his stomach that reminded him again that he wasn’t good enough.

He couldn’t let him have the last word, let him leave with Buck feeling like this. But all that came out was a pathetic “We're not broken up” to Eddie’s retreating back.

“Alright,” Eddie said, not bothering to turn around. He didn’t believe Buck.

Buck stood there watching as he left and heard Chim’s laugh and saw Cap’s disapproving gaze in the background. Each made the clamp on his stomach tighten to the point where he didn’t know if it was ever going to loosen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a POV for Eddie for this scene coming out soon!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From enemies to friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by the amazing nighting_gale17 who helped me get these two to their friendship phase of the story! Almost done with episode 1, and then onto the earthquake! Eddie's part of this section is in the works.

“Fire and Rescue! Hello?!” Cap called out as they went through the door. It was dark, just a lamp or two casting shadows about the living room. They heard a muffled yell from further inside the house.

Buck took in his surroundings, statues in military uniforms, guns, and swords in display cases, even the art on the walls were military related. “Some kind of militia nut?” Buck wasn’t surprised when Cap didn’t comment. After his argument with Eddie a few days ago, Cap has been pulling the disappointed parent card and not giving his playful banter the attention it deserves.

Buck had hoped going on a call with Cap would help smooth things over and was feeling that hope be consumed by the black hole that had been forming in his gut since Eddie joined the team.

“Can't tell where that voice is coming from,” Cap muttered mostly to himself as they moved further into the house. The yelling was getting louder.

“Back here!” It was much closer and Cap opened the door to a cluttered home office. “Oh, thank God.” The voice came from behind a large armchair pushed into a desk lit by a desk lamp. 

“What's your name, sir?” Cap asked as he knelt by the man.

“Charlie.”

“Alright, tell us what happened, Charlie.”

“Damn grenade went off while I was taking it apart.” Buck walked over to help and, as he approached, he could see the gaping wound in the man’s thigh. The man was older, mid-sixties with greying hair and a stomach that men his age tended to carry

“Why are you taking apart a grenade?” Buck pulled his medical bag out and opened it. The idea of taking apart something so dangerous confused Buck. He’d done his share of stupid shit throughout the years, and still does occasionally, but he hoped he’d never done something this stupid.

“I was cleaning it. I'm a collector.”

“No kidding.” Cap joked. 

Buck could see the man’s face was pale with pain and tried to think of anything to distract him. “You pulled the pin?” 

“Oh, it ain't that kind of grenade. It's a 40-mike-mike. A practice round for an M203 grenade launcher. I picked it up at a flea market in Brea, part of my 'Nam collection. My screwdriver must have touched the propelling charge.”

Buck felt a part of himself lighten knowing that even if he’d been a screw up recently, he could still help people, he could still get them to focus on things other than their current situation.

Cap interrupted the story abruptly. “I see metal. A lot of shrapnel. Femoral artery has been nicked. We’ve got to get him transported now.”

They quickly brought in a gurney and wheeled him out to the waiting ambulance. Eddie was in the back helping to pull the gurney up and Buck felt his stomach twist. It was still hard to work shifts with the man.

“Buck, I want you to travel with him to the hospital, keep him stable.” Buck looked from Eddie to Cap, disbelief on his face before he begrudgingly agreed with a roll of his eyes.

“Copy that, Cap.” 

Cap gave him his disapproving look, again. “Hey. You got to learn how to play nice. It's one team, Buck.” 

Buck felt a touch of humiliation. He was a professional god damn it. He was good at his job. But with this new guy around he felt like a teenager again, unsure of his every move. Before he could even muster a response, Charlie called from the ambulance, “Hey, Nash, am I gonna be all right?” 

“My boys have got you. But you might want to consider switching to collecting baseball cards after this.”

Buck climbed into the ambulance and took a seat, feeling the tension between him and Eddie fill the space.

They spent the first few minutes of the ride in silence. Eddie checked the fluid levels and Buck busied himself with cleaning the excess blood around the wound. As he did so, his brain started wandering to shrapnel wounds and if he would’ve faced this if he actually had gotten into the marines when he tried, and then he remembered that Eddie probably had faced this before. He was curious and debated asking. Would it bring up bad memories for Eddie? Would it help break the tension? Maybe bridge the gap? Buck was tired of feeling this way. It had only been a week, but he was tired of feeling so angry all the time, so subpar. Maybe if he knew Eddie just a bit more, maybe if he allowed his wall to fall just a bit, they could...he wasn’t quite sure, but it felt like a first step.

“I guess you've seen a lot of shrapnel wounds.” He tried to ask nonchalantly, in a way that wouldn’t pressure Eddie into talking about it if he didn’t want to.

“My share.”

Okay, going great so far, if a little short. Eddie didn’t really seem to want to talk to him. So what if he shared his own gory stories? Maybe if he opened up first, Eddie would follow. “You ever seen a guy with a length of rebar stuck through his skull?” 

“What are we measuring here, Buck?” Eddie refused to look at him. Buck was screwing up, again. He couldn’t even manage a civil conversation without his competitive, needy feelings getting in the way. Charlie groaned, thoroughly ending the conversation, thank god. But then Eddie looked at the wound Buck was cleaning, “Need to change those dressings. They're soaking through. Hang in there, Charlie. Almost there.” Buck couldn’t believe this guy! He knew when bandages needed to be changed! He wasn’t some newbie! It was like Eddie’s first day all over again. Now, he didn’t trust Buck to do his job.

Buck reached for the bandages deciding fighting with Eddie would only set them back when he wanted them to move forward. “I'm just saying, working the streets of L.A. is not exactly stress-free. May not be the same kind of pressure you have in a war zone, but-” He let himself trail off. He just wanted Eddie to see him as an equal. That they had something in common.

With the wound exposed, Buck was getting ready to re-bandage it when Eddie stopped him. The fear in his voice had Buck freezing on the spot.

“Oh, come on. Hold on. I thought you said this was a practice round.”

“It is.” Charlie’s eyes were as wide as Buck’s, both staring at Eddie with concern.

“Uh, what-what-what's going on?” Buck stuttered, thoughts racing.

“You see that cap? Practice rounds have blue caps. Gold caps are live. Pull over!” Eddie banged on the front. Buck’s heart was pounding in his chest, but he had to stay calm. This was the job. He took some deep breaths as the ambulance began to pull over, listening to Eddie’s deep voice comfort Charlie and let it soothe his fears as well.

They both jumped out and met up with Cap and Jim, the head of the bomb squad team, to look at an x-ray of Charlie’s leg.

“Yup. There she is.” Jim said.

“He's got a live round embedded in his thigh.” Bobby sounded impressed. The things he probably saw in this line of work and this impressing him did not bode well to Buck.

“Uh, I thought this thing already went off.” Buck was sure that’s what Charlie told them.

“The launch grenade has two components: gunpowder which makes it travel and an explosive charge that makes it go boom,” Eddie explained. He was finally looking at Buck again, finally talking to him even if it wasn’t personal like Buck wanted.

He pressed on, savoring this conversation. “Okay, so why didn't this one go boom?” 

Eddie looked a little surprised, but continued, getting a little more passionate, a little more hand gestures added as he talked. Yea, Buck was going to savor this. “It's fitted with a proximity fuse. It's a little smart sensor that tells the cap it's traveled a safe enough distance from the shooter to explode. From his hand to his leg probably wasn't far enough.”

Cap spoke up then, Buck completely forgetting there were other people with them. “Well, we can't bring him inside a hospital full of people, not with that still stuck inside him.” 

“We called the military for help.”

“The military? Uh, can't you do it? You're the bomb squad.”

“You can't diffuse a grenade. We need to find someone who knows how to pull that thing out of him without setting it off. They're sending someone up from Pendleton. Should be here within the hour.”

“He doesn't have an hour.” Buck looked to Cap. They couldn’t let this man die, not while they’re there. They're supposed to help, they made it on time, he’s in the ambulance, he’s right outside the hospital, he can’t die on them.

“I can do it. If he doesn't go to surgery soon, he'll die.” Relief flooded through Buck at Eddie’s words.

“You've done this before?” Cap asked.

“Well, none of the guys I served with were dumb enough to shoot a live round in themselves, but I'm familiar with the ordinance.”

This was his chance. A chance for him and Eddie finally be on even footing. “I'm in.” 

They suited up, Jim gave Eddie a box saying, “You get that thing out of him, put it in here and get the hell away from it. Let us deal with it.” He then handed him a claw to take the thing out.

“Copy that. See you inside.” Eddie tapped him with the claw as he finished strapping his vest on. Buck followed after him with Cap at his back.

“Alright, listen, Buck, you don't have to do this.”

“You think I'm gonna let the new guy have all the fun? Besides, you wanted us to bond. We might end up real close.” 

Eddie was waiting at the back of the ambulance, handing him the box once he climbed in before following him.

“How are you feeling there, Charlie?”

“Like a world-class idiot. My wife, if she was still alive, she'd be here now saying, ‘I told you so.’ Well, maybe she'll be able to tell me in person in about a minute.”

“Well, that conversation's gonna have to wait. Nobody's leaving this life tonight.” Buck reassured Charlie, grabbing the materials they would need. “Start the drip.”

Eddie got the drip going, taking over to distract Charlie by asking, “What branch did you say you were in, Charlie?”

“I didn't. I always wanted to be a Marine. I tried to enlist during 'Nam, but I was 4F, an enlarged heart. So instead, I spent the last 40 years teaching seventh grade.”

“See there, Charlie? Not all heroes serve on the battlefield.”

“That's very kind of you to say that.”

”You ready?” Eddie’s eyes caught him and he felt his breath hitch.

“Yeah.” Buck lifted the bandages from earlier. Buck’s brow furrowed with concern. “He's losing a lot of blood.”

“Keep pressure on it. Not-not too much pressure.” Buck applied the pressure and watched as Eddie began to work.

“There it is.” He heard the other man breath out a moment later.

“All right, so-so pull it out. Come on.” Buck was feeling a bit anxious. He may have put on a brave front for Cap, but this was one of the scariest situations he’d been in yet. Almost sinking plane scary.

“I got to be careful. The sensor measures the distance traveled based on how many rotations the shell made after the launch. The key is not to turn the shell while we pull it out.”

“Okay, yeah, so don't turn it.” Eddie’s voice was strained and his body tense. Buck wished he could do something more. “You got this.”

“Gonna have to... just a bit.” And then it was out. “Get the box.” Buck quickly grabbed it and watched, eyes transfixed, as Eddie placed the grenade in the box. His smile of relief was matched by Eddie’s. It lit up his face and made his eyes twinkle and Buck was pretty sure it was just the adrenaline rushing through him that made him feel like he was soaring.

He looked back down to the box, smile dropping before looking into Eddie’s intense gaze. They both must’ve realized it wasn’t over until they were away from the thing.

He put the box down gently on the floor and he and Eddie wheeled Charlie toward the hospital entrance. They handed him off to the nurses and Buck let out a breath he felt like he’d been holding since Eddie recognized the danger. 

“You're badass under pressure, brother.” Buck’s heart fluttered and a small smile formed on his face. God, he didn’t know why these words were making his blood rush. Maybe because Eddie was finally looking at him like he had been looking at Eddie from the start? Eddie was this brave, strong, confident dude. Of course Buck felt insecure around him. It was the whole reason he lashed out, fear of being replaced, fear of losing the one place he thought he could call home, all because this new guy was so much better than him. But now, here this guy was, saying _he_ was the badass, when all he did was keep pressure on the wound while Eddie did the heroic work.

Buck slowly came to the realization that Eddie never purposefully made him feel this way. He thought back to the first call, the comment at the gym. He was trying to help him, connect with him, and Buck pushed him away. Eddie only ever pushed back because Buck pushed first. He realized that as much as he was trying to build a bridge today, Eddie had been trying from the start. He felt a swooping feeling in his chest and had to look away to compose his face before looking back up at Eddie.

“Me?” Because again, Eddie was the hero here, not Buck.

“Hell yeah. You can have my back any day.” Eddie’s sincerity had the swirling emptiness in his gut closing just a bit.

“Yeah? Or, you know, you could,” Buck was on cloud nine hearing Eddie say this, saying he trusted Buck. He had to look away from the man’s earnest eyes and licked his lips, his mouth suddenly feeling dry, “ you could have mine.” Because he trusted Eddie too.  
“Deal.” They shook hands and Buck felt like the tide was turning. He and Eddie were finally walking in step. The grin on his face almost hurt with how wide it was. He could get used to the soft crinkle of Eddie’s eyes when he smiled. A definite upgrade from the looks he had been getting the past few days.

He doesn’t know how long they would’ve stood there shaking hands if Cap hadn’t walked up. “Nice work, fellas. I'm glad you both made it out of there.”

“The guy's a professional, Cap. I was never really worried.” And then, the ambulance blew up, making everyone flinch back. Buck could feel his mouth hanging open as he watched the flames go out.

He turned slowly to face Eddie, confused by what the hell just happened. Eddie was unfazed and asked, “You guys hungry?” 

Buck let out a huff of a laugh. “You, my friend, are something else.”


End file.
